Dreaming With A Broken Heart
by purplepagoda
Summary: Set after season 8 finale. Some minor spoilers. What if Ziva shows up at his doorstep? She's tired of waiting. He's tired of pretending. They're both tired of living a lie. Will they finally be together? Will they take the chance this time? TIVA? Oneshot?
1. Dreaming With A Broken Heart

She stands outside his door. It's late. The sky is dark, and her heart is heavy. She raises her hand, and her knuckle connects with the door. He doesn't say a word. She hears footsteps. He knew who it was. He would recognize her knock, anywhere. He knew her, anywhere.

He opens the door, and just looks at her. She looks up at him, with dark circles under her eyes. She wasn't the only one who was tired. It was late, and they should be sleeping. She should be in her bed, asleep. He should be in his, doing the same. But the fact was, they weren't. Neither of them could sleep. They couldn't leave it undone for another night.

The weight of things left unsaid, it was too much. Things had been held inside, for too long. They were beginning to crack. They were at a breaking point. There was no turning back. They had to fix it, now. Or fall apart, forever. Maybe there was no fixing it, but not trying, that wasn't an option. They both had everything to lose, but losing each other, that would be the most devastating.

"You couldn't sleep, either," he guesses.

"I just got in the car, and I ended up here."

"Come in."

She nods, and follows him in. He locks the door behind her. He studies her for a moment. She's in her pajamas. A pair of blue pajama bottoms, and a grey t-shirt. He knew her, that wasn't what she usually wore to bed. In fact, he knew her well enough, to know that she preferred to sleep without any clothes on at all.

She looks at him. In his white t-shirt, and boxer shorts, he was... predictable, to say the least. She locks eyes with him. She knows his next move. He'll tousle her hair. He tuck it behind her ear. He'll clear his throat, and start the conversation. He always started the conversation.

But tonight was going to be different. He knew, by the fact that she had come to him, and not the other way around. She was never willing to admit defeat. She didn't give in, but this, this was different. The world was falling down around them, and there wasn't at thing that they could do, except to hold on. And this time there wasn't anything to hold onto, except each other. They had tried, for so long, to keep a professional boundary between them, but it was too hard.

"I wish that this came easy, for me," she begins, realizing that he wants her to begin.

"I know."

"But it doesn't, it never has."

"That's ok."

"I don't want to wait. I don't want someone who will leave me. I don't want someone who will lie to me. I don't want someone who will break promises to me."

"You deserve more than that. You deserve to have what you want."

"And, it's not him."

"I've been trying to tell you that all along."

"All along?"

"I gave up."

"Why?"

"Because, I realized that it was something you had to learn on your own. You're hard-headed, you know."

"I am not the only one."

"No, you're not."

"Are..."

"I am too old to be playing games. I am too old to be screwing around," he admits.

"Yes, I know."

"Things are never going to work out. I know that."

"Then why do you keep..."

"I'm not going to."

"But you said..."

"I know what I said. I called her, and... she picked up her stuff, earlier."

"But why?"

"Because I am tired of pretending. I am tired of living a lie. How about you?"

"Yes, I am too. I am tired of trying to be happy, when I know that I am doing all the wrong things. I am tired of pretending to be happy, when there is only one person who can make me happy."

"Why is that?"

"You don't lie to me. You don't break your promises. You don't leave me. I can trust you."

"You can't trust him?"

"I don't know."

"He's playing you, you know."

"I don't want to admit that. I didn't want to see it."

"I know."

"I just... I don't want this, anymore."

"Then just say the word."

"I called him."

"Did you talk to him?"

"No, but I left him a voicemail. I told him not to worry about keeping his promise to me. I threw the box of empty promises away."

"Good for you. Why are you here?"

"Because I needed to see my friend, my best friend."

"I'm your best friend?"

"I do spend all of my time with you."

"I grow on people."

"You certainly do."

"So now what do we do? It is against all of the rules."

"I know. I'm not afraid."

"You're not afraid of anything."

"That's not true."

"Name one thing that you're afraid of."

"Just one?"

"Yes," he nods.

"Losing you."

"That's why you came? You don't want to lose me to someone else."

"I just don't want to lose you."

"That's never going to happen," he promises.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I would miss you too much."

"You can't miss someone, if you're dead."

"I'd take you with me."

"That is twisted."

"I thought it was sweet."

"Stop talking."

"You're tired of talking?"

"We can talk in the morning."

"It is morning."

"After we wake up."

"Are we going to get any sleep?"

"Probably not."

"You're sure about this?"

"I am sure that I don't want to lose you. I am sure that I have waited far too long. I am sure that this breaks the rules."

"Ok."

"I can't get married, to someone that..." she trails off.

"You're afraid of commitment? I've rubbed off on you?"

"I'm afraid of committing the rest of my life, to someone can never have all of my heart."

"Why can't he have all your heart?"

"Because it belongs to someone else."

"I'm glad to hear it. I feel the same way. I know that this is probably wrong. But..."

"But?"

"Sometimes you wait too long, and opportunities dry up. People get tired of waiting. People change. Life happens, and mistakes are made. Things are said, and they can't be taken back."

"I've never been patient."

"You've been patient long enough. You have been far more patient, than anyone ever should be."

"I've been blind."

"Blind? Or unwilling to see it."

"Just unwilling to admit it."

"Why?"

"Because it was always the wrong time, for one of us."

"Now is the wrong time, too. What's different?"

"I am. And I realize that it's never going to be the right time. The only time we have, is now, and if we sit idly, it will pass us by. Time will pass, and we will never be able to get it back."

"Did I mention how glad I am, that you're here?"

She looks down and smiles, "I noticed."


	2. Just A Dream

He looks into her eyes. She stares at him. They lie together, surrounded by silence. She is the first to crack a smile.

"We are..."

"Dysfunctional."

"You always know."

"I know what you wanted."

"So why didn't you let me have it?"

"Because I also knew what you needed."

"Sometimes I wish that you didn't know me so well."

She pushes her pillow closer to his. His arm doesn't move. It is snaked around her. His hand is pressed against her shirt. She scoots under the covers farther. She looks up, realizing that his face is centimeters from hers.

"We should sleep now."

"I know."

"How is your head feeling?"

"Ok."

"It still hurts?"

"It's not that bad."

"You don't always have to downplay everything."

"What do you want me to say? I feel like I ran headlong into a tree?"

"If that's the truth. I am tired of downplaying things, of dancing around the truth."

"I know, so am I."

"Ziva?"

"Huh?"

"Could you try harder not to be come the pawn in some psychopath's game?"

"I will try."

"Because I don't know how many times I can lose you. It's starting to take it's toll. I need to know that you aren't going to just disappear. I need to know that you're not going anywhere."

"I am not going anywhere, not if I can help it."

"That's good to know, because sometimes I wonder."

"I'm here to stay."

"How do I know that?"

"Who else can I count on? Who else always has my back? Who knows me, as well, as you do? No one."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"If I ruined your plans."

"What plans?"

"Your life plans. I'm sure you pictured how your life was going to go, and then..."

"Then you came along."

"And I screwed it all up."

"You changed it all."

"What if we're making a mistake? What if this can't work."

"At least we'll know that we tried. At least we won't have any regrets."

"I regret that I didn't do more. I regret that I left you hanging, for so long. I regret that I didn't come sooner."

"Now we're talking about something else, aren't we?"

"I should have come sooner. I should have known better. I never should have given up, on you."

"If you gave up, then why did you come?"

"Because if I couldn't save you, then some sure as hell was going to pay."

"Why?"

"Because that is what I needed. I could never let you go, so I had to know that I did everything I could, for you."

"You did."

"You didn't have to go."

"I know."

"Do you? Sometimes I wonder."

"I know that I didn't have to go. I never should have gone."

"No, you should have stayed."

"I'm sorry, too."

"For what?"

"For ever doubting your loyalty. For not being able to see that you were just looking out for me. You were trying to protect me, from the things that I refused to see. I guess I wasn't used to someone looking out for me. No one ever tried to protect me."

"I know."

"Is this where you give me a box, of empty promises?"

"No, when I give you a box, it's not going to be empty."

"You just said when, not if."

"I know."

"You hate commitment."

"I've been burned, a time or two. I've been afraid, but I'm not afraid anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because it's you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that... I am willing to take that chance."

"On me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"If I could explain it, then I would have, already."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes."

"What if it ends disastrously?"

"We'll put the pieces back together."

"And what if we can't?"

"Then we'll walk away."

"Walk away? We both work at NCIS. We're on the same team," she reminds him.

"I'll walk away."

"You'll walk away? You were there first."

"It isn't like I have dibs. I think that you should stay. If anything happens, I'll go."

"Go where?"

"Somewhere else."

"But..."

"You still have some lessons to learn, from Gibbs. I have learned as much as I can."

"That's not true."

"Maybe not, but I want you to stay."

"Why?"

He smiles at her, "Because it's home. It's the only place you feel at home, and I could never take that away from you. Now can we go to sleep?"

"We can try."

He keeps his arms around her, as she situates herself. She closes her eyes, too tired to fight the sleep anymore. He watches her for several moments. Once her breathing has slowed, and he's certain that she's sleeping he closes his eyes too. He manages to drift to sleep, before she starts snoring. By the time he starts to snore she is drooling on his shirt.


End file.
